What Makes Them Tick?
We often wonder what makes the other person tick, especially if they are important to us. What haven't they called in three weeks? Or conversely, why have they called me three times in the last thirty minutes?
Transactional analysis theory proposes the basic motivation for human behavior is affirmation, attention, or recognition. These inputs of attention people seek are commonly referred to as "strokes". The general need and desire for "strokes" of affirmation may be more specifically understood as needs for intimacy, relational warmth and closeness, a sense of belonging and acceptance, or love.
Motivations for affirmation take more definite form in relationships when the unexpressed need or desire is expressed as an expectation. The motivation or need for relational intimacy or warmth is then translated into the expressed expectation of intimacy and warmth. Although psychological contracting within transactional analysis theory has been primarily applied to employment relationships, the fluidity of the principles involved make good application to interpersonal relationships as well, when it comes to formulating expectations.
A healthy application of expressed expectations using psychological contracting would encourage the individual what desire or need, why it is important, who would be involved, and when they would like the need to be met. A simple example might be, "I would really like to have more time alone with you just to talk, since you and are relationship mean so much to me. We both have more free time on Thursdays; could we schedule a standing long lunch on Thursdays?"
The expectation has been specifically communicated and explained, and specific parameters have been established that allow the other party know what factors have to be negotiated or discussed. But depending on the ego state the parties are operating in, motivations and expectations may be much more difficult to recognize and express.
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